I have been in shock…..

Posted on October 4, 2011 by Max

Please accept my humblest apologies dear readers for the lack of blogs the last few weeks. I just haven’t had the energy to get to the computer as I have been for the most part in a state of shock.

As regular readers will know I spend my time between my two homes in Auchtermuchty and Dunfermline in Fife, and lead a very settled comfortable life with my two humans and Monty cat, who resides permanantly at my Muchty flat with the female human. I rule the roost in both homes of course ensuring I am alpha male at all times!

Anyway I returned to my Dunfermline home with Tim on Monty’s birthday and found that in my absence he had gone mad!! Totally and utterly!! He has got himself a cat!!!

Yes it appears that Tim was missing the fat ginger creature that is Monty cat so much that he has agreed to have a temporary cat at the Rectory with us!! I say temporary but it is a YEAR or so which is actually a very long time! His own human is my friend Valerie, who is the curate at my church and works with Tim. She is currently living in a rented flat most of the week with no pets allowed !

And so now there is a manic energetic stripey feline called Talisker (after the whisky) invading MY space! getting attention from my male human, who, it turns out, rather likes cats!!

And what’s worse… Tim has erected gates across the house which Talisker can jump- but I get stuck when I try to get through the bars! That cat now has access to MY bedroom upstairs and I no longer have a human bed to sleep in! And there is another gate across the hall giving Talisker access to the kitchen and the living room! I have no where to go now except Tim’s study!!! This is demeaning to a superior dog like me!!!

I bark and I whine and I show Talisker who is boss at every opportunity!! But it is so tiring- i was almost glad to find myself in prison last weekend as a bit of respite! And now I am back in Muchty and appreciating Monty again!

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Happy Birthday Monty

Posted on September 18, 2011 by Max

I have just realised that tomorrow is Monty Cat’s birthday, he will be five years old! It seems no time at all since he was just a tiny bundle of ginger fluff but now he is well and truely grown up! The photo above is my very first meeting with Monty – before he even came to live with us. Hilary is holding him very carefully and I am being carefully restrained on a lead as I sniff him out. I told him then I was a very superior dog!

I remember I wasn’t too sure of him at first, but we get on pretty well now (most of the time) and he is quite a good sport at being chased by me (it used to be extra fun and noisy up and down the stairs in the Rectory but there are no stairs here!) I also can steal his food sometimes – and actually must admit that cat food is quite delicious!! The other good thing of living with a cat is blaming him for anything that happens – I mean cats can scratch and chew and make a mess too!!! And as for the broken cat flap- obviously it was him not me!!!

So I thought I would wish him a very happy birthday for tomorrow – I know I am a day early but I suspect I will not have time to blog tomorrow! Hope you have a lovely day Monty and thank you for your feline companionship! For only being a cat you are good fun I suppose!!

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Free again!

Posted on September 16, 2011 by Max

I spent the last wee while in prison which is why I haven’t blogged for a bit… sorry about that!!! However the good news is that I am now free again and recovered from my spell of enforced incarceration. I endured it stoically and eventually the female human arrived in Natasha car to collect me and Monty, after she had paid the hefty release fee!!

So I am now in my flat in Auchtermaxty again being spoilt as a superior dog like me deserves. Hilary is not back to work until Monday so she has had extra time for me- we had an extra long walk both yesterday afternoon and again today, and I also have had some tasty chicken from the fridge. Hilary said I was rather smelly when I was released so she has given me a good brush and used some of my birthday toiletries on me (the spray called Stink Bomb for dirty dawgs!) and I know that I am looking good as I met a nice female human in the forest this morning who admired me and commented on what a good condition my coat was in!!

Oh and I also chased a silly red squirrel this morning- who bolted up a tree to escape me! I considered following him up there but remembered that I can’t climb trees (yet) so I stayed on the ground!

I think it is nearly time for my afternoon walk now – it seems to be raining so we will get wet which is good as it will wash off the remains of the nasty citrus smelling spray and I can make the flat smell of wet dog again!!”!

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Congratulations welcome and get well soon!!

Posted on August 29, 2011 by Max

I have three messages to my friends old and new tonight.

First CONGRATULATIONS to baby Imogen who was baptised by my male human yesterday, and also to my female human who is now her Godmother! Hilary has been singing Imogen’s praises and oohing and aahing over baby photos the last couple of days! Although I wasn’t actually at the ceremony itself (as I just may have blogged before- dogs aren’t allowed in church) I am considering myself official God Dog to Imogen too!!

Secondly WELCOME to your new family Shelby! Shelby is a lively black lab who has just adopted my friend Maggie as her human! I am sure you will enjoy living with Belle too and keeping her active!! I hope you can work computers Shelby and we can have a chat soon!!

I have seen her photo on Facebook and very attractive she is too- and clearly has Maggie under her paw already as she was on the sofa and then the bed!!

Finally for tonight, GET WELL SOON to my good friend Fay! Fay has had an injured foot which has finally been diagnosed as broken and is all plastered up now! Get well soon Fay and hope you can manage to put your feet up as much as possible!!

Posted in family, friends | 3 Comments

Quiet times

Posted on August 21, 2011 by Max

I am having a very quiet weekend with Hilary – nothing much happenign apart from a few gentle walks and of course lots of TV watching. We are re-watching Downton Abbey in preparation for the new series in the Autumn. there are a lot of people in that programme and only a few dogs but I was pleased to see that when the important Duke person arrived at the house all the humans stood in line very formally but the dog got to run around and greet them!

Last weekend it was Muchty festival with a lot of traditional Scottish music going on everywhere , including outdoors at the Cross. I went and listened for a while with Hilary. But we could hear it from my flat as it was so loud! there was a lot of drinking going on and on Monday morning when we went for our wealk we were stunned at the amountof rubbish everywhere- plastic glasses, cans, and food cartons. That was despite there being big blue bins strategically placed all round the square! Humans are so untidy!

Posted in Auchtermaxty, human stupidity, walk | 2 Comments

Maxifying Natasha!

Posted on August 7, 2011 by Max

Well Hilary’s new car has been named NATASHA. It quite suits her I think and Hilary likes the Nnnn…alliteration in Natasha the Nissan Note. It does sound quite good I think. Indeed my good friend Fay suggested that Natasha could have her own blog, or possibly feature in a children’s story book! She suggested The Adventures of Natasha the Nissan Note and Max the Superior Dog! (wrong way round Fay – I should surely be first!”)

We got her on Monday afternoon after work and Natasha has already driven over 300 miles. Mostly just with Hilary (who is mastering all her “benefits” in a rather slow fashion), but yesterday the real excitement started as I got my first trip with Natasha! There is quite a bit of space for me in my compartment- I can stand or sit and see out my “privacy glass” windows. The dark glass makes me feel like royalty!!

We went to my forest. It was the first time she had been there and I had to tell her the way. She stayed in the carpark when me and Hilary went for our walk, as that is where cars like to be- they dont like muddy narrow tree trunk lined tracks as it makes them ill!

Talking of being ill , sadly I have had an upset stomach this weekend. And unfortunaately had an “episode” in the car on the way back from my walk today. So Natasha has been well and truely Maxified! And that got rid of the new car smell too!!

Posted in Auchtermaxty, family, superiority, walk | 2 Comments

My new cars!

Posted on July 31, 2011 by Max

I am, as regular readers will know, a Very Superior Dog which means I have two homes and two humans to run after me and see to my every need. They do pretty well all things considering but of late my transport has been looking a bit on the old shabby side.

The male human realised this first and a few weeks ago he traded in my old car and got a very nice new Nissan Juke Car. Its a bit of an “in your face” superior boy car with attitude and it suits me very well. My compartment is a little on the small side however but yesterday Tim kindly lowered the floor for me to give me more room. He said he could see my head bobbing up and down as he drove! He told Hilary it looked like I was drowning but she misheard and thought it looked like I was driving which was a bit embarrassing- I mean, superior dogs like me don’t drive our own cars, we have human chauffeurs!!!

Anyway having a very nice car when I was with Tim made it worse when I was with Hilary the last few weeks, especially when my car there began to misbehave and at one point the central locking didn’t work and we were locked in it at the forest! So she decided to get me a new car too and off she and the male human went to the garage to choose me one. Her priority (unlike Tim’s) was my comfort and she has chosen a new Nissan Note which is a very sensible (if boring) car- with a nice large compartment for me which can be made bigger by sliding the rear seats forward. I get this car tomorrow and am quite excited at seeing what it is like. It is red . Hilary is trying to choose a name for it now, unlike Tim who has not bothered to give my other car a name!

The other good thing is that she had to clear out my old car and that included removing the highly embarrassing “I love cats” sticker that adorned my compartment for the last few years. I am quite relieved as that was not the kind of thing that befits a superior dog like me.

I willl tell you all about my second new car soon! I do hope Hilary can manage to drive it ok!

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Muddy me! Cross Hilary!

Posted on July 24, 2011 by Max

Hilary and I are just back from our walk this afternoon. Its been a lovely sunny day and we headed down “Bow Road” which is really a walk around the fields towards Dunshalt. It was a very hot afternoon and Hilary even removed her shirt (not in an indecent way, she did have a vest top thing on underneath!) . She tied it round her waist and we enjoyed the heat of the sun as we walked!

Despite it being a hot sunny say there were a lot of muddy puddles around so I made the most of them cooling off in them and having the odd drink. The trouble is they are not just like normal puddles but rather smelly brown ones- great for me but not for the female human!

When we got back to the flat she finally realised quite how muddy I was as, despite her wiping me down with my towel , there is now mud all over the kitchen floor and also on my sofa!! She even tried out my no-rinse special shampoo I got for my birthday last week but I am still lovely and muddy!!

This made her cross but not as cross as realising she had inavertedly managed to lose her shirt on the walk- it must have come untied and fallen down from her waist! Ive offered to go and look for it later with but she is worried it has blown away (as it is very windy out there) and also realised that I wll get muddy again!!!

Posted in family, human stupidity | 1 Comment

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Posted on July 19, 2011 by Max

It is MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I am SIX years old today! That is very old!!! I checked a dog age chart and for a big dog like me that makes me around 50 human years – so I am older than both my humans now!!!

It seems only the other day that I was a mere cute little superior puppy with floppy ears and huge paws learning to use the computer to blog! But now…. I am a sensible mature dog and of course still totally superior!

I have recieved several good wishes for my birthday today in the form of email (Fay) tweets (Maggie) and text (Clare) Thank you one and all. You all said some things which made me chuckle.. Fay and Mrs C suggested to me that:

You should fly the standard at which ever place you are in and the residents would know they are in the presence of a Very Superior Dog!

Excellent idea! and of course Fay, being a Very Superior Dog I have two residences and moved from one to the other today- giving Hilary the pleasure of my company last night and till late morning today, then moving to my other home with Tim! I will need TWO flags!!

Maggie, and I assume my canine friend Belle, sent me a tweet last night on twitter in response to my tweet about it being my birthday tomorrow. First she was surprised that it was my birthday again already,and asked “what age this time?”

I told her I was six and she replied:

have we really been friends that long? It seems like only yesterday when you were chewing Lino!

That made me chuckle as of course it was only yesterday I was chewing lino, only the humans haven’t noticed yet! Only joking! But yes , as a pup I ate my way through the Glencarse Rectory kitchen lino and very tasty and chewy it was too. The humans had to hide the mess with a big rug. Here is a photo of me taken in that kitchen on my first birthday – five years ago today.

Don’t I look cute!

I destroyed my ball and that string of toy sausages very quickly I can tell you!

Anyway, thank you for the birthday greetings tonight Maggie!

And Clare texted me this morning! She has just moved house by the way and I wish you and the allergic one all the very best in your new home, Clare! Anyway Clare also reminices saying :

Just seems like yesterday that you were a little pup and cute fluffy ball. Six and a handsome superior dog is of course much better. Hope you’re being spoiled as you deserve

I then told her I was lying on Hilary’s bed and thinking what to chew and she suggested that I

eat her pjs or something just to show that you’re not yet old and boring!

Anyway I have had a very nice day.

As I said I decided to share my superior birthday self with both my humans, so stayed last night at Hilary’s and kept her company on that ridiculous large bed. At 6am, her alarm went off and she sung me Happy Birthday and took me to the forest! I then had a special birthday breakfast and my presents!

I got a lovely hedgehog chew from Monty cat. He said he had wanted to bring me a live animal like a mouse to eat but he thought Hilary might get upset, so got me a tasty treat from the shop instead. Itv was green and very tasty- in fact I ate it straight away as a second breakfast! Here is it before I got my teeth on it!

And here are some of my presents from Hilary. I think she was trying to tell me something! As you can see they are posh canine toiletries from a company called animology. You can also just see me in the photo busy chewing away at that hedgehog!


There is a “dirty dawg” no rinse dog shampoo and also “stink bomb” a refreshing dog spray! I thought they might smell of dead rabbit or something but it seems to be more of a citrussy smell. I got Hilary to spray some on me this morning before Tim came to collect me! Apparently it was Maggie who told Hilary about these spray things when I was rather smelly after my stay in prison last week!

Hilary also gave me a bit of rug! Well it is a nice soft thing for me to lie on especially when I am on the hard cold floor. This was called a Petlife non slip vet bed gold! I havent really tried this yet but will tell you about it at the weekend!

So after my busy morning Tim came to collect me and took me back to the Rectory in Maxfermline formy second birthday celebration. He has unfortunately been rather busy since I got here so I have not yet had any presents from him, but as he is out now once i have finished this blog I will have my very own bin party and celebrate being SIX!!!

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Posted in family, friends, superiority | 2 Comments

Nasty bangs!!

Posted on July 18, 2011 by Max

There have been a lot of nasty noises recently and I wish to protest!

On Saturday afternoon Hilary went to take me for my walk and no sooner had we stepped outside the flat then…. craasshhhh boom bang….it was thunder!! The atmosphere was terrefying and I pulled Hilary strauight home at breakneck speed – not even stopping to relieve myself on the way! Once in the sanctuary of my flat I was shivering and quaking and need a lot of TLC from Hilary as we curled up on the sofa catching up with Coronation Street. I really do not like thunder!!

Today we went to my Superior and there were yet more bangs to unsettle me, these seemed to bne gunshots from some nearly hunting. I was not amused as Hilary forced me to keep walking, and , at one point , has the absolute cheek to call me a scaredy cat!!

However on a brighter note tomorrow is a very special day. It is my birthday! I will be SIX. That is really quite old and mature and I can no longer pretend to be a puppy! I am looking forward to my celebrations as long as there are no bangs! I am not sure exavtly what the humans have planned yet but I am expecting a lot of presents and extra fuss!

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